Wednesday, September 24, 2003

Yesterday I made use of my Home Depot purchase. I bought my jigsaw.

When I entered the garage I could have sworn I saw the Christmas tree trembling, as if it knew about what was to come. When I plugged in my new toy, the little light on the plug came on, and I knew I was ready to create mayhem. The tree lay there on the garage floor, dry, brown and brittle.

I knelt down at the base of the tree with the jigsaw in hand, eager to squeeze the trigger. As I applied pressure to the trigger, the motor began to whir, and the blade began moving up and down. More pressure. The blade was now moving up and down in a blur, and the noise in the garage spoke of impending doom for the helpless, lifeless Christmas tree. I scoped out the first victim of the blade. It was a fairly thick branch extending from the bottom of the base of the tree. Almost awkwardly, I placed the jig in position and started to cut. Soon the air filled with the smell of tree sap. The smell was sweet with the hint of hot wood, like a fireplace in the winter.

Each branch I cut was tossed to the side until a pile of branches began to grow. Before I knew it, all that remained was the trunk of the tree and small piles of brown pine needles.

Now I had a decision to make. Do I stuff the branches into the garbage can or do I make it more interesting. The matches on the toolbox cried out to be noticed.

On my patio in the backyard, my small barbecue grill looked lonely and unused. When I opened the hood, remnants of ash swirled around in the wind. A small spider emerged from a dark corner and crawled around the rim of the grill. I went back to the garage and grabbed the gasoline can. Just a splash to be sure I could get the fire started was all it took. I let it soak in to the ash bed. I went back to the garage, grabbed the matches and a small handful of tree branches.

I gently placed a few branches in the grill, stood back and looked at it for a moment before pulling a match out of the matchbox. After putting the rest of the branches far away from the grill, I struck a match against the matchbox and tossed it into the grill. Whoosh! The flames jumped up almost instantly, barely contained by the grill. The pine needles crackled and popped and fizzled and fizzed. The small pile of branches turned to ash almost as soon as the fire reached full intensity. I grabbed another pile and threw it in. Whoosh! Again, another ball of fire strived to escape the grill. A large plume of smoke bellowed into the air. I wondered what the neighbors would think. I halfway expected a fire truck to arrive. I wondered if the fire would melt the siding on my house. I moved the grill further away to the edge of the patio. The added distance between it and the house made me feel safe.

I must have made five or six trips into the garage and back to the patio, slowly diminishing the pile of tree limbs, until all that remained was the trunk. Each time I added a pile to the grill, another Whoosh sound, and then ash. Quickly I ran back to the garage, grabbed the jigsaw, and now, wielding it like a pro, sawed into the thick trunk. I could only cut halfway through it, but it was enough to be able to jump on it and snap it in half. Just small enough to fit into the grill.

By the time I got back to the grill, the fire had died down so much that the two pieces of tree trunk would not burn. Even after spraying some WD-40 on the trunk pieces, it wasn't enough to engulf the pieces in enough fire to get them burning thoroughly.

Alas, the tree trunk pieces are still in the grill today. I am tempted to add a little gas and start it up again. A fleeting memory of Beavis and Butthead flashed through my mind; "Hee-hee, hee-hee, FIRE! FIRE! hee-hee..."

If this is my last post, I was consume in fire. Just remember, I had fun.. wicked fun.

Monday, September 22, 2003

Its been a long tiring day. First I woke up this morning and had to move my car. Then after the boy finished his cereal, I put on some cartoons. Both the boy and I watched cartoons until we fell asleep. During the period prior to falling asleep, I had to change the boy's diaper. Whatever was in it most definitely came from Michigan. He (the boy) didn't seem too concerned.

Back to napping, I slept relatively well, and from time to time, woke up to see that the boy was still napping too. He had a little bit of a cough this morning, so I administered some cough syrup. This is what probably contributed to his lengthy nap. His congested cough was not seen again.

After awaking from our nap, I dressed the boy and we left the house for a late lunch. I chose a place at random and it just happened to be a place where they were broadcasting live sports radio. I ordered the boy spaghetti, and for myself, pizza. When the food came, the boy applied some ketchup and mustard to his spaghetti, took one bite and determined that he didn't like it (or just plain didn't want it). With this one bite, he managed to get a nice big spaghetti stain on his shirt. Boy, one, shirt, zero. After seeing what 'dadda' was eating, he bribed me (by whining and pointing at my plate) into giving him my pizza. While he wasn't looking, I snagged another piece for myself. He ate one piece of pizza, and I at three. I also ate his spaghetti with the ketchup and mustard on it.

One of the guys in charge of the radio equipment asked if we were there for the autographs. I said, no, we're here to eat. He left us alone after that. After our late lunch, I took the boy to his mother.

I am now sitting here contemplating going to Home Depot to buy a jig saw. I want to cut up the Christmas tree in the garage. Its been there since Christmas and is a major fire hazard. One wrong move, and poof, its up in flames. I tried to use my dremel (black and decker version) and every so often cut off a small limb, one at a time. That was taking way too long, plus the battery had to be charged every one to two limbs. I need something I can plug in. If I had a bigger backyard, I would love to go out back and torch the tree personally. It wouldn't be too much to see though, since the tree is so dry. It would probably turn to ash in a matter of seconds. Seriously.

Since I have been typing this, I think I have convinced myself to go buy a jig saw. There are many more uses I can get out of, but the tree is the excuse for now. Home Depot, here I come...

Monday, September 01, 2003

It's late and I am tired... time for bed.
Its been a while since I have written anything to this blog. Recently I was working to get it looking more like my web site ( I added a "blog" link on my site so people can more readily read my blog. Hopefully, it will get better rank in the Google search results. I found if I search for "Moosekian", my site is about the 8th in the list. I need to be number one!!

I cut the grass today after about a month. It was very long. Some locals would say it had "gone to seed". Meaning, it grew long enough to actually sprout up some seed stalks (or whatever you call them) ...

That's it for today from me. Happy Labor Day!