Ugh

I pulled a fresh dilled pickle out of a huge mason jar of vinegar. It was immensely large.

Then I placed it in my pocket. The pickle juice soaked through to the front of my khaki colored khakis.

I immediately became aware of how this may have looked to others. Here stands a man with a large wet pickle protruding from his trousers.

I quickly turned from view and placed the pickle on the floor. Then I returned to my previous posture.

I was then again suddenly overcome with the realization of how this may look to others. Here stands a man with a large, slightly wet, pickle lying next to him, while he appears oblivious to the large wet stain on the front of his trousers.

I turned and smashed the pickle under my foot. It made a disgusting sound. It was like a bathroom sound. The pickle remnants on my shoe were visually repulsive. Several people screamed and shrieked in horror nearby. An old woman vomitted.

Then I was awakened by the sound of my cellular phone alarm. The sight and smell of the pickle was still fresh in my mind. I could still hear the people's terror.

Then I ate some ice cream. It was good. I love ice cream.

The chickens ate a whole bunch of chicken feed today, and subsequently evacuated the remains of yesterday's chicken feed. You know, they shit it out.

Pigs Garner Victory

That's what the sign said, as I passed by. It was 3AM. I had been suffering from a minor case of dysentery, and I was unable to wash my clothes that day.

I breathed 23,040 times today. I sneezed three times, coughed four times, and peed four times today.

chuckle