Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Of course I didn't research how to do this first

But that would have taken all the fun out of figuring out how to do drop shadows ...

Here is a link for doing drop shadows in css (it was the first result google came up with when I searched for drop shadow css

One day, I will do something someone else hasn't already.

I feel a little deflated now. I think I did mine the hard way. Oh well. Hooray for me!

Holy shit. People really get into this.

I wanted something different


And this is what I am working on. Drop shadow blog posts. I know, I know. It just some stupid shadows. But damn, it wasn't that easy. I had to tweak margins and padding and all kinds of crap. Sure, I was shooting from the hip. I admit I am little rusty these days.

There is more to come. Once I get this idea perfected, consider it my new blog style. Maybe I will even submit it as a new public template. I used a paint program to get the drop shadow images, but had to do some chopping and mincing to get it to look right in the CSS. The shadow down the righthand side is actually a repeating image along the y axis. The actual image is only about 5 or 6 px tall.

I think I could get excited watching a puddle of water evaporate off the sidewalk in the summer. You know, it makes crackling sounds if you get close enough to listen.

By the way, you can click the image to see it larger ...

Monday, January 30, 2006

Um ... yeah, about that stain.

See for yourself

I wish I had the time ...



... to write something like this ...

Quote of the Day

I had an epiphany a few years ago where I was out at a celebrity party and it suddenly dawned on me that I had yet to meet a celebrity who is as smart and interesting as any of my friends.
- Moby

Never thought this would even be remotely tasty

Look at this picture.

After you have successfully choked back your stomach contents, prepare to realize this. You can eat it. Everything from the litter to the 'deposits'.

Now before you say I am crazy, read this.

The next kid birthday I am invited to, I am going to suggest this delicious recipe.

You have to wonder how your brain can process this obvious conflict of information. Yes, it look completely disgusting, but at the same time, it leaves a sweet yummy taste in your mouth.

I'll never look at a litter box the same again.

Toss up

How many people do you know who are both an intellectual genius AND the life of the party?

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Good Idea!

Seems like ideas these days are getting gobbled up left and right. Take Delicious. This is inevitably a good idea. Let people tag sites they like, and along the way, share those tags with others. Yahoo liked the idea, and so they bought it from Joshua Schachter for something like $30 million. Not bad for an idea.

Now, here's the tricky part. How can you (or me, for that matter) come up with an idea that will bring financial freedom? It all seems too simple when it happens. In Delicious's case, it was done because Joshua wanted a way for he and his friends to save and share web pages.

Its those kind of ideas that everyone else looks at and says, "Hey, that's easy. I could have thought of that".

Yeah, you could have, but you didn't. And if you did, you didn't do anything with it. Those extra steps are key. Market your ideas. Better yet, blog about them first, and then market them. The blogging part is just in case someone else pops up with that same idea just after you blogged about it. At least in some way you have some snese of 'first dibs' on the idea. I don't know if that actually works from a legal standpoint, but it can't hurt. Or you could be quiet about it, and hope no one else is putting together the same idea prior to you perfecting yours.

Thinking about all this just gave me an idea. Not sure if it is a great idea, but it is an idea nonetheless. You'll know if my idea worked when you read about me in the paper.

Think simple, think practical, and most importantly, think about things that will connect you with others.

The feeling of being connected to people you don't even know, by means that wouldn't seem obvious, somehow stirs something inside of poeple. The feeling of belonging and having commonalities, while actively participating in a global community. I think that is why blogs have become so popular. People can talk to the world, and they don't have to know anyone out there, but the feeling that comes when you know others are reading your thoughts that you wrote down, enlivens you to continue more writing. Think about how you feel when you find a comment from a stranger on your blog. Someone took the time to read and respond to my thoughts! It makes you feel good. Unless of course, they flamed you, but even before you read the actual comment, just knowing that someone commented makes you feel good.

That is a good quality for an idea. If it makes other feel good, it is a good idea.

On that note, I have some ideas to forge and nurture. It all sounds so easy, although many go through life without ever reaping the benefits of a good idea.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Things might be getting a lttle weird in here

I am going to attempt a customization of my blog. I am tired of the pre-made template crap.

So, I am just warning any future visitors, things might get ugly.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Where's the footage?

A giant octopus attacks and all they post is a still shot?

I'll take three

One of these isn't nearly enough. I'll take three, perhaps maybe even four.

Its Friday

What do you do on a Friday when you don't have any plans?

Good question.

I have no clue.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Hey kids don't try this at home.



--- extra garbage from cell phone service snipped ---

I really hate all the garbage that gets put into the post when I sent a picture from my phone to my blog. I wonder if I could turn it off.

Speaking of wondering, I wonder if I could get a ticket after the fact for posting this picture?

I didn't know I was going that fast, honest!

Books books books

I was looking around Amazon and came across a book I read recently. On Intelligence. Amazon coaxed me to look at some other books with it's You may also be interested in these items... section.

One of the books I have read before, Mind Wide Open. Great quick read.

I'm gazing into a pair of eyes, scanning the arch of the brow, the hooded lids, trying to gauge whether they're signaling defiance or panic.


Another book that I heard about recently was Blink. I haven't read it yet, but I want to.

I am still debating whether or not Mind Hacks would be a good read. Anyone read it?

I never really liked them anyway

Cingular has patented the emoticon. Maybe now they will go away forever once Cingular starts threatening to sue folks for using them.

Is that a booger on your finger?

Or the world's smallest fish?

Supposedly, scientists have discovered the 'world's smallest fish'. It measures in a whole 0.1 millimeter smaller than the previous record holder. Wow. Now how do people find these things? And how significant is the finding? Who knows.


You gotta wonder.


Interesting note however,

The males have enlarged pelvic fins and muscles that may be used in reproduction

Running Late



Driving down the long endless driveway gets old when running late.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Big Money

As you may have noticed, I have been toying around with the use of Google Ads on my site. Usually I am totally against ads mostly for their intrusiveness.

You know the ones. You see them out of the corner of your eye and you are automatically drawn to them because your eye sees movement, and to your brain, its like candy. Kind of like the reaction of Jeremy the crow from The Secret of NIMH when he sees Mrs. Brisby's amulet. "A Sparkley!!"

Then you're screwed. Whatever you were reading is now overshadowed by the jumping monkey or the mortgage rates falling down the side of your screen. At least on television, you could change the channel. But not like I would know, I haven't seen any network TV for quite some time.

Anyway, I wanted to experiment and see if I could click the ads on my page enough to generate an income. Since its google ads, they are discreet, and to get them, it just takes filling out some info.

So far I have made a whopping $1.92. That was from one day of clicking. Actually, that was specifically from doing a few searches with the google search box down the right hand side of this page.

It almost makes it feel like its free money! Plus it is humorous to see what kind of ads actually display based on the content of whatever I may be typing. For instance, my beer brewing story caused ads for beer brewing equipment to display. Pretty slick if you ask me. If only I could lure more people to my site.

So, if you would like to take part in my fun experiment, click some ads. No one said you had to buy anything. And whatever cash I earn, I'll treat those within a 30 mile radius of this blog to lunch (given I make that much). I may be eating my words later when I find out the entire population within 30 miles clicked on my site.

What have I become?

Yawn

I think I have a one-up on the week so far. All day today I thought it was Tuesday. Then when I finally figured out it was Wednesday, in my mind I skipped an entire day of the week. I pretty much attribute it to not remembering half of Monday and half of Tuesday, thereby making those two days equivilant to one day.

Now if I can just do the same thing for tomorrow and Friday, I will have had a three day work week.

On a side, I received a letter regarding my last car payment. I was informed that they had not received my payment and urged me to promptly submit my payment in the amount of $0.00, in order to not incur a late charge.

Are they trying to trick me into sending them a blank check ??

Monday, January 23, 2006

Maybe I am a picture

A picture is worth a 1000 words. How about a 1000 different pronunciations? That's what people do to my last name. Most of the time it is like a game. I will show my ID or anything where someone has to try to pronounce it, and it quickly becomes humorous. People will scratch their heads, and look at it quizatively, as if they might just get lucky and get it right.

Here, you try: It's spelled Moosekian.

I have seen all of the following attempts:

Moo Seeky Yen
Moo Sky Yen
Moose Ken
Moo Shakin
(this is after I have told them how to pronounce it the right way)
Moo .. Moo .. Moosey .. How do you say it??

Its pronounced: Moo Shake Yen

NPR

I listen to NPR in the morning on the way to work, and this morning a story on a weight loss pill caught my attention.

Supposedly, some of the side effects of taking this pill are:

Significant Flatuance and Loose Bowels

I can see it now; you're at a party, and one of your friends says, check this out ... as he drops a pill into some unsuspecting party-goer's drink. Moments later, the target of the prank is lighting up the room -- aromatically speaking -- just prior to making a run for the nearest can.

This should be interesting...

On a side note, I love the politically correct way of saying horrible farts and the shits.

Advertising has it benefits, but ...

... when it comes to what you are advertising, some people are just plain idiots.

Case in point, you should never try to sell illicit drugs in the public domain. And more importantly, even if you do, never post your phone number.

Don't you dare drink that

I decided to wash my coffee cup this morning. You know, the stainless steel kind with the lid? I don't drink coffee all too often, but I got here early this morning, and felt the need.

Anyway, the lid has a rubber gasket around it to 'seal' it to the cup. I guess that is pretty standard on these kind of cups. I happened to notice that my little gasket was slightly discolored. Coffee stain was my first thought. But then I tried to wipe at it with a paper towel, and noticed it wasn't a stain. It was some slimy, moldy substance under the gasket.

First of all, I had no idea the gasket was removable. If I had, I would have been removing it daily and pressure washing it with 212 degree water, at minimum.

So now I am left with the thought of How long have I been consuming this crap? I haven't been sick lately, so maybe what ever that crap was, it metabolized into a penicillin-like quality. I don't know and I don't think I ever want to know.

I am writing this to purge it from my memory. From now on, I am going to remove the gasket everytime I wash the cup. I also want there to be a public awareness of potentially gross factors lurking around normal daily activities. We have enough of these to deal with, but this one was a shocker. You mean I had that in my mouth??

Lesson for today: Remove the Gasket

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Stats don't lie

For some reason, this is one of the most viewed photos on Yahoo.

The world is full of pervs.

This must be after the act. Is that a cigarette or a bamboo shoot?

Wildlife

Earlier today I looked out of the window and saw five deer running across the yard. They stopped about half way across and just stared back in my direction. Did they see me looking at them through the window? Then as if something spooked them, they bolted all the way to the tree line. But when they reached the tree line, they stopped again and turned to stare back at me again. This time they seemed to say, "We are within inches of the safety of cover, now we can observe you observing us in relative peace."

On the way back from the store, I saw the owl again in the driveway. Pretty elusive thing. I never see him when I want to. Only when I least expect it. This time he was in a tree and darted, or shall I say, swooped out and flew further down the tree line. The last time I saw him, it was early morning and he was sitting high up in a tree, almost camouflaged against the branches. If he wasn't so fucking big, I would have never seen him. I know one thing, he sure is loud at night when he hoots. I saw him one other time when he was sitting on the fence post, presumably looking for food in the field. He had his back to me and it was dark, so I could only see his silhouette. Man is he massive. I wish he would show me his eyes. Now that would be a sight.

Hawks. At first I only heard them. That long screech sound that I always thought was an eagle. Then later, I found out hawks make that noise when another hawk is violating its territory. After that, I started to look for them intently. I would hear the sound, but they we so far up in the sky, I could never catch a glimpse of them, until one day they were a lot closer to the ground. I thought this would have been a rare event, but since living out here, I see them almost daily now. And even different varieties. Red-tailed, brown with white chests, and even an all brown colored hawk. I even saw one perched on the fence post eating some prey it had just caught.

What else have I seen around here? Oh, yeah.. I saw a bob cat cross the road once. That was wicked. You immediately know that it isn't the neighbors cat, because its huge, for one. Then the short stubby tail gives it away as well.

I hear coyotes all the time, but have never seen one around the house. Wiley little things.

I have no idea why I decided to post this. I guess I get excited when I see things that, up until now, I had never seen on a regular basis before.

The ultimate thing thus far has been the deer shitting in the yard. I felt like I had violated its privacy when I looked out of the window and saw it halfway squatting there while still partially walking. The other two that were with it were both walking slow as if waiting for it to finish.

On that note, I think I am done with this post...

Typing with one hand

Ok, I know what you're thinking ... and no, that is not what I am doing!

I just happen to be eating a bag of double butter popcorn, and the hand I am eating it with is full of buttery grease.

Ever seen What the Bleep Do We Know?

Intriguing. Made me think.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

Follow through

I did what I said I was going to do. I made some beer. Of course I won't be able to actually drink it until it has gone through the entire fermentation process, but I got past the hard part. Cooking it up. I hope I didn't screw it up. This is my second batch. The first batch was an Irish Stout. It varied from bottle to bottle, which was weird, but when you got a good bottle, man was it good. And equally, when you got a bad bottle, it tasted like shit. This second batch is an IPA. A buddy of mine made an IPA and I loved it, so hopefully mine will turn out just as good. I almost screwed it up by forgetting to add the finishing hops towards the end of the boiling process. I ended up putting it back on the stove and bringing it back to a boil so I could add the hops. If there are any beer brewing experts out there, please let me know if it is worth waiting for this batch to drink. Otherwise, I will dump it and start a new one.

Ok, for those of you with no interest in beer, or particularly the beer making process, I apologize. However, you should apologize as well... What do you mean you don't like beer?? Pansy.

I am tired and I can tell. I keep hitting the wrong keys. It seems my fingers are shifted slightly to the left of where they should be. I find I keep having to backspace, because everytime I type the word 'add', it comes out 'ass'. Typing ass feels so much more natural right now. And it really hurts to backspace.

I am going to go find a pillow now.

Rainy day Saturday

I was going to do a little bit of rollerblading this morning, but its all wet outside. And there is nothing worse than rollerblading on wet cement. Wait a minute... 'wet cement' could be misconstrued as undried cement. Let's just say, dry and completely cured cement that has been rained on. Ok, I think I went too far into that explanation.

I do need to take the trash to the dump today. That means the truck gets some attention today. You know, if that truck didn't burn a tank of gas just getting out of the driveway, I would drive it way more often.

Hopefully, the epitomy of my day isn't going to be taking the trash to the dump. Unless of course, I get into a vicious accident or something. Maybe I could take the truck off some sweet jumps.

I need to add some flavor to my life. It seems I am not getting out enough. That is one thing I miss about California. I could just walk outside and find something to do. Of course, living out in the country does have it's benefits. Last week, I took the shotgun out and tried to shoot a dead branch of the big dead tree in the backyard. For being a dead tree, it sure is strong. I unloaded at least 10 shells into that branch and only managed to knock off some bark. Imagine if the same applied to people. You could walk around shooting people and only manage to knock their clothing off. I wonder what that would do to the gun laws?

There's got to be something to do in this city that will register on my excitement scale.

I can't wait for warmer weather.

Hey. I know. I think I will brew some beer today. That will entail going to the store to get some supplies. I can't remember what I need, so I will need to consult the books again. Ah, the wonderful feeling of being unprepared. At least it adds excitement and uncertainty to life.

Blah.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Dressing up for the fancy places to shop

I laughed at this one ...

Ok, I just had to

Ok, I just had to try this out. Posting via my cell phone. Not sure how often this will come in handy, but I just had to try it.

Who are these people, and why do they search for such crap?

Google compiles a list of the top 15 searches each week from their site. They call it zeitgeist, that when translated from German means roughly, 'the spirit of the time'. What a sad day to see what the majority of people are searching for.

I think we all need to ban together and flood Google with more meaningful and intellectual search queries.

Suggestions are welcome.

No, they didn't

Can you believe this?

Pop Rocks

Ok, this dream thing is getting weird. First a Chinese dream, now a dream about ... about ... hell, I don't know what this one was about.

Somehow I was at work, but it wasn't really work. It was some warehouse with makeshift cubicles in it. I was setting up my workspace and putting out some of my personal trinkets. Funny thing is, I don't actually own any of the trinkets that I owned in my dream. Anyway, I seemed to have a lot of rocks and minerals. Not just plain old rocks, but the nice gemshow quality rocks. Like geode amethyst and things like that. I was even surprised in my dream that I owned these things.

I had a magazine on my desk and I noticed there was something in it. In between one of the pages, there was a small pile of gemstones. They had the consistency of pop rocks, but they were glass-like and purple and red. I thought they were rubies. Right at that moment, on the television across the room, they were interviewing a convicted drug addict. He was explaining his addiction to these gem like rocks. Supposedly you could ingest them and get high or something. I thought to myself, "how can you eat rubies and get high?" So, now I was curious. I scraped up a small pile, and popped some into my mouth and they started to fizzle and pop. Just like pop rocks!! It struck me as unusual. Why were they in this magazine, and what was it doing on my desk? And most importantly, what the fuck did I just do? How was I going to start feeling in the next few minutes? I had no idea what I had just done.

On a side note, prior to all this, I had been talking to a co-worker and he was telling me about a paper port process. I asked him what a paper port process was, and he was trying to explain it. Some how, it turned out his explanation was actually in a dream that I had the night before in the current dream I was having. If that didn't make sense, then in other words, I was experiencing a dream within a dream. When I woke up from the dream within my current dream, I went to work and told my co-worker about how I had dreamed about his explanation of a paper port process. I then realized that I had no way to distinguish what was dream and what was real, as they seemed to be seamless. (Obviously, they were because this was all occurring in a real dream.)

Anyway, back to the pop rock drugs. I ended up leaving work and walking down a country road. I was on my way home. I noticed after I had been walking for some time (a few miles I think), that I was barefoot. I wondered why the rough road wasn't hurting my feet. It felt as if I was wearing shoes. I wondered if that was one of the side effects from the ruby pop rocks. I continued to walk. I walked past a field where a farmer was cutting his grass, but his riding lawnmower was being pulled by miniature ponies. I wondered if I was hallucinating. At that point, I realized I was really dreaming, and couldn't figure out if all I was experiencing was because it was a dream, or because I was being affected by the pop rocks. It was quite the conumdrum. Almost paradoxal.

I promptly awoke with a slight headache. I pondered if my brain had been hung over from having to reproduce a drug like state in my dream.

The thing that sticks outs here is that I have had two very vivid dreams about two totally different things, two nights in a row. I thought back about what I have been doing and eating the last couple of days and nothing seems to come to mind. For some reason though, I have had a very active mind at night lately. I should enjoy it while it lasts. Plus it gives me something to document in here for anyone who feels like reading.

I wonder what is to come when I go to sleep tonight?

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Dreaming in Chinese

Last night I had a dream I was in China. I couldn't figure out how I got there exactly, or where precisely I was in China, but I had an inkling that I was somewhere in eastern China. I was in the area of an archaeological dig, and there was this big pile of relics from ancient times nearby.

I asked someone about them (someone spoke english coincidentally), and they said they hadn't yet gone through that pile. Mostly it looked like small jars and pottery. I picked up one of the pieces and noticed it had some writing on it. It was of course in Chinese. I wondered if it had a date on it, like a copyright or something. Weird to think of that, being that it was ancient, and copywriting didn't come about until recently, relatively speaking. I summoned one of the workers who did speak Chinese and asked him if he could read what was written on the piece I had picked up and translate it for me. This is what he said:

"Peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers"

I looked at him strangely, and asked if that is what it really said. He chuckled and said, "No man, I was just kidding... I don't know what it says".

I left the scene shortly after and realized I needed to head west for some reason. So I started walking. I had it in mind that I would walk across the country, and that didn't seem to bother me. It didn't seem like it was all that far.

I approached three Chinese girls who were talking. They seemed to be speaking both Chinese (or what sounded like Chinese, since I don't actually speak the language) and English. One of them look partially caucasian. I asked them if they could help me find my way west. The one who looked the 'whitest', said she would help me. We ended up walking down this road and I noticed that everything was very well kept. Grass was finely manicured, trees and shrubs were trimmed nicely, the streets were clean, and everything was polished and neat. I asked if she was married or had a boyfriend, and she said she was slated to be married soon and had been engaged since she was 14. She told me she was only 17 now and that people got married very early in China. I didn't question her, and only listened.

She ended up taking me to a restaurant that was nearby. When we were inside and seated, I noticed again that everything in there was very nicely kept and expensive looking.

An older couple asked if they could join us, and I started talking to the man. I told the man I liked the way they kept things around here, and that I liked the way their system worked. It seemed like when they had money, they made use of it, I said. I explained that they didn't spread the wealth around to the poor and needy, but kept it in the community to keep it looking nice and up to date. There was a large, fancy flat screen tv on the wall, and I couldn't help but admire the surroundings. I said, "I like the way you run things around here". In my dream, it seemed like things in China were very efficient and I was envious. I wanted to become Chinese.

I woke up shortly after. I pondered if parts of China are really like that. I need to do some research to verify if it is true.

I wonder what it all means. You know, to dream in Chinese.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Bob the Fly

It was something I drew when I was like 11 or 12. A cartoon fly that wasn't too bright, but damn, was he cute. When I first drew him, he wasn't all that special, but over the years I improved on him bit by bit, and ended up with what you should see in the link. A bloated cartoon fly. I never really drew him in any other position, except that one. I have always planned to though. A buddy of mine always tells me to publish him and we could make millions. I like how he always subtly throws the word "we" in there. Like he had anything to do with Bob. Recently I did a search online to see if anyone else had the idea of a fly named Bob. Well, I did find a couple, but they all sucked. And I bet they can't say they drew their version 21 years ago. I still have the first drawing too. Signed and dated. I need to laminate it or something. Maybe I could call the Smithsonian. What I need to do is get off my ass and draw him in some precarious situations. Like I said, he wasn't all that smart, so it should at least get a chuckle, if not a, "aw, how cute" comment.

Stupid fly.

By the way, the picture on the site of Bob was drawn in MS Paint, and rather quickly just to get him out there. I need to draw one with pencil and paper and then scan him in to capture his true essence.

sigh...

In the mood

Well, since I am in the mood and not really into my work at the moment, allow me to blab for a minute.

Over the weekend it was decided that a bonfire was in order. Now this isn't like the normal every day bonfires. This is a challenge. A challenge to pile up more wood than previously piled, compacted to the point that the ground noticeably sags around it, and primed and ready to burn like no other fire has burned before it.

Obviously, I had to call in the big guns to handle this job. So, I started up the truck. Now I have not made mention of this truck before here, but well, that's because I haven't written anything in years. Literally. I just bought the truck, relatively speaking (Ok, I bought it several months ago). This truck was made to pile wood into. But first it had to warm up. It has a gigantic engine in it, and on cold days, man is it cranky. But once it gets going, it burns more oil than the oil fields in Iraq. I think I have come to accept the plumes of smoke it spews from the tail pipes. It adds character. And since I only use the truck for jobs such as wood collecting, I have not yet felt the need to 'fix 'er up'.

Anyway, I am here to talk about the fire, not the truck. I'll talk about it another time.

First, there was the preparation process. This called for thick leather gloves. All the wind over the last few weeks had knocked down quite a bit of large branches, most of which fell into the dormant blackberry patches surrounding the property. For those of you who don't know about blackberry bushes, let's just say, you never want to fall into one. They suck ass. You will leave thoroughly perforated. Next, I needed some old clothes that I didn't mind getting dirty. The kind of clothes where you don't care if monkeys throw poo at you. And finally, I needed lots of energy. A big pancake breakfast followed by a large chocolate shake should do the trick.

So here I am in my get up; leather gloves, old -ready for poo flingning- clothes, and zinging off lots of sugar. I started out into the backyard at the woods behind the house. Tree branches shivered in fear. Actually, I think the wind was blowing, and it just looked like they were shivering. But it added mood to the moment.

By now, the truck was warmed up, and it only took half a tank of gas to get it to that point. I drove her out to the back of the yard. The ground was a bit slick, and I so badly wanted to punch it and spin the tires all over the yard, but then I thought, "hey, this is my yard, you idiot! Have some respect". I yielded to the temptation... Well, ok, maybe just one spin of the tires. It was an accident.. Really.

When I arrived at the rear of the yard, I turned off the truck. Of course I turned it off, it just burned half a tank of gas just warming it up! Now began the collection process. Big sticks, little sticks, and all sticks in-between were prime candidates for this fire. I chuck them all into the back of the truck. Now this truck has a huge 8 foot bed in it. I could build a house in there. So, in other words, this was a lot of wood. I would fill the bed twice before the end of the day. This was going to be a huge fire.

After all the wood was collected, the meticulous task of creating the perfect pile was under way. I wanted to get as much wood as possible into the smallest area possible. It was like a giant puzzle. I had to keep in mind to keep enough space between each piece in order for adequate air flow, otherwise it would just smoulder.

Well, once the pile was complete, the fun part was at hand. My hands ached from gathering all the wood, and I knew I would be sore the next day, but I was about to light a huge fire. Luckily I don't have any close by neighbors. I estimated the pile of wood to be about 7 feet tall and about 6 or 7 feet in diameter. But if I had to guess at the total weight of the wood, I would say close to 800 pounds. It was almost a solid mass.

Out came the grill lighter. I began by lighting small sections of paper that I had crammed into the middle while leaving a little sticking out to light. It started out slow, but when it started to take hold, I had to keep my distance to keep from being cooked.

Birds fell out of the sky as they passed overhead. I think I altered the atmospheric pressure slightly, and I almost certainly killed any living thing within 20 feet of this massive ball of flame. It must of burned for hours and into the next morning. When I looked out the next day at where the fire had been, there was nothing there. Just a black abyss of nothing. Kind of like the Nothing from the Never Ending Story, but worse. I don't think grass will ever grow there again.

My god. I must be a pyro. I thoroughly enjoyed this. I think I am done burning stuff for a while.

Until next time ...