I made this up

Always remember what happened tomorrow

Ugh

I pulled a fresh dilled pickle out of a huge mason jar of vinegar. It was immensely large.

Then I placed it in my pocket. The pickle juice soaked through to the front of my khaki colored khakis.

I immediately became aware of how this may have looked to others. Here stands a man with a large wet pickle protruding from his trousers.

I quickly turned from view and placed the pickle on the floor. Then I returned to my previous posture.

I was then again suddenly overcome with the realization of how this may look to others. Here stands a man with a large, slightly wet, pickle lying next to him, while he appears oblivious to the large wet stain on the front of his trousers.

I turned and smashed the pickle under my foot. It made a disgusting sound. It was like a bathroom sound. The pickle remnants on my shoe were visually repulsive. Several people screamed and shrieked in horror nearby. An old woman vomitted.

Then I was awakened by the sound of my cellular phone alarm. The sight and smell of the pickle was still fresh in my mind. I could still hear the people's terror.

Then I ate some ice cream. It was good. I love ice cream.

The chickens ate a whole bunch of chicken feed today, and subsequently evacuated the remains of yesterday's chicken feed. You know, they shit it out.

Pigs Garner Victory

That's what the sign said, as I passed by. It was 3AM. I had been suffering from a minor case of dysentery, and I was unable to wash my clothes that day.

I breathed 23,040 times today. I sneezed three times, coughed four times, and peed four times today.

chuckle

Grumpy monkey spit

The grumpy monkey spit and watched it fly from his mouth into his enemy's eye.

Splat!

The monkey chuckled.

After the act, the monkey took to the trees. And he climbed the trees like ... a monkey.

Once in the safety of tree height, the monkey took to his other defense.

He threw monkey poo.

His aim was wicked that day. He hit his enemy again and again.

Splat! Splat!

Sniff, sniff?

Ewwww!!!

And that was it for the monkey. He was out of ammo. His butt was clean. He had nothing left to throw.

Goodbye monkey.

Ode to a Chicken

Oh Chicken! Oh Chicken!
How I love to watch you scratch.
Your feeble brains work like a preprogrammed machine.
Scratch, scratch, scratch, slide back, look, peck, peck.
That is what you do, especially if the ground is new.
Oh Chicken, how you love your feed.
50 pounds a month is what you typically need.
And water, oh water, lest us not forget,
For without it, you die. That's it.

Gettin' my rustication on ...

The wilderness calls to me. Its time to return to nature. Its been too long cooped up in urban settings. Time is counting down until I can reunite with the place I long to be.

tick tick tick ...

Hail Yeah from Tennessee

As I was driving from Chapel Hill, TN north into Nashville, I realized people were pulled over under overpasses and such. I was wondering what was going on because the sun was out. Then I looked over on the side of the road and noticed something on the ground. It seemed like someone had sprinkled styrafoam all over the grass, and I was puzzled. Then I realized it was hail. I pulled over and picked up a couple pieces. They were melting rapidly and I didn't know how long they had been on the ground, so I wanted to get a shot quickly before they melted. It was 74 degrees at the time. These little beauties, as you can see in the picture, were melting quickly.

Detroit Sold for Scrap

This is just what Detroit needs.